OOOOOO that smell, can't you smell that smell!!

I made a half promise to myself when I decided to start blogging that I would try to leave the poop stories out of it. I can't, I have to share this story. I went into the stall to do my business and it was very stinky, when I got in there. I figured out why it was so smelly. The person before me, let's just say his name was Clyde left a receipt from a grocery store that was dated 9/26/04 on top of the toilet paper dispenser. So having no other reading material, I read the receipt. For those of you who are squeamish about touching things in the bathroom , I didn't have to touch it, I could read it from where it was.
One of the first items was dish soap the lemon scented kind, that could not have contributed to the offending odor. The next few items I am sure were the culprits.
Large Black Plums, Reeser's Bean and Cheese Burritos and the Reeser's Red Hot Burrito, and some sort of Raisin Bran. A lethal combo if you ask me. He eats the plums as a snack yesterday afternoon, the burritos for dinner and then a Raisin Bran breakfast. Then after a good lunch it hits him and all bets are off. The person who left the receipt used their charge to buy the groceries and therefore left their name as well, I changed the name to protect the identity.

On different note something that didn't stink. I saw the movie Shaun of the Dead. I thought it was pretty funny and had a couple of good scary parts for being a romantic comedy full of zombies. It has a good soundtrack and a very funny part with Grandmaster Flash and Melle Mel's song "White Lines". There is a bit of "you should think about what you are doing with your life" but it wasn't heavy handed and it serves just to remind you to take a look at things every once in a while and re-evaluate. One a scale of one to four Pope Hats, I give this movie a solid three. I had fun , I laughed and I was startled a couple of times. The website is fun too I like the game they have and it's probably funnier if you have seen the movie.

The Grass is always greener....
By the way it's stinkin' fall already and it gets dark early. So do your yardwork before the Sun goes down. A word to the wise. I will be at work all day hoping the kiddies walking to school will leave my piles of yardwaste alone. I also did my share of killing West Nile mosquito's by inhaling them. Protein and it's free.

Last private thought...
Good dream Dazey, glad I was able to give you inspiration. Did you met any Crete-ins? Get it "cretins", man I am so funny, I am going to quit my day job.

Life is too short

I was just telling a friend at work that I usually keep it pretty light as far as topics go on my Blog. I have to get a little heavy tonight. The weekend was a little stressful, in fact the last week has been pretty stressful. We had a really rough week at work and some folks won't be stressed about projects anymore. Had a little family stress this weekend as well.
I was on my way to football practice and talking to one of the coaches about all this stuff and through the course of our conversation I said I am just about getting to the point where I don't care to stress over things anymore because life is too short. I really want to stress out about stuff less.
I am trying to get to that point, but it is difficult. I was in a pretty good mood about pushing the weights off my back. My best therapy is talking to my friends and rationalizing things or at least organizing things in my head to better deal with them. I don't get down for long, thank goodness and I have a lot of people ready to listen to those moments, I feel really lucky to have so many of you.
So as we were talking (the other coach and I) I came upon a scene that looked like something out of a movie. There was a man standing on the HWY 280 & University overpass looking like he was about to jump. He was wearing a suit and had a backpack or a bag with him. He was on the other side of the railing. There was a woman talking to him from about 15 yards away. I immediately called 911 and spoke to the police, described the man and the let them know where we were located. I couldn't bring myself to stop and pull over right there. First of all the I was going to be the only coach at practice for the first half hour and second I didn't want to be a witness to something horrible if anything happened. I stayed on the line while the dispatcher told me fire rescue and police had been dispatched.
The fire rescue actually drove past me after I got off the phone.
That is the last I know for now.
I feel kind of weird about it all. I didn't really know what to do. This person was at the end of their rope and they were looking for help. It was all kind of surreal. I don't have anything more to say other than I hope he is ok and didn't cause any harm to himself or anyone else.

"Morituri te salutant" = Those who are about to die salute you

One of my most recent adventures was straight out of Gladiator. I was taking a shower and just after I finished washing my hair, I heard this noise in the bathroom that sounded like a deck of cards being shuffled. I looked out and there was a two inch wasp flying around the light and smacking into the ceiling. Well being as manly as I am I decided the best course of action was to battle this thing the same way the early Greek's competed in the Olympics (look for early Greek Olympic uniforms).
I grabbed my towel and instead of wrapping it around myself I see Waspzilla on the wall and try to mash him into it. This thing was big and ticked off. I pulled the towel away and he dropped to the ground looking up at me with a menacing scowl...The type of scowl that makes a man's blood run cold. I knew I was in trouble. I had no armor, no leather, just tough well chiseled flesh ( like all Gladiators).
So back to our story...... The wasp leapt into the sky, right back up to the light and began to fly around. It swooped at me a couple times, by now I had dropped the towel and the wasp knew it was now or never. I looked around for something to defend myself and then I saw it.
The air freshener. I Glade Air Freshened his butt until we both choked on the fumes and he still wouldn't give up. He flew at me one more time and I let him have it full blast in the face. He fell out of the sky and to the ground. Once he hit the ground I let him have it for a full 20 seconds. He flipped onto his back, the crowd cheered and gave me the thumbs down sign.
I grabbed the towel I dropped and quickly dispatched him. I gave him a quick burial at sea and collapsed on the floor, spent from my life and death struggle.
I have a great life.

Help!!! I need somebody Help!!! I'll take anybody

I was trying to teach my great niece Lenee a new song. We had just finished our session of what body part is that and what noises do animals make ( the Lion is her favorite and she makes the best face when she roars) When I remembered the Head and Shoulders song.

Head and Shoulders
Knees and Toes
Knees and Toes
(repeat)
You touch the body part as you sing the song. I think there are more words and that's where I need your help. What are the rest of the words? It was pretty cute teaching her the song and she picked it up really quick ( she's really smart :) )

The Smackdown

My 3rd graders did me proud today. We scrimmaged the 4th graders and they did really well. A lot better than we expected and only one player cried and that was a 4th grader after one of our 3rd graders laid a hit on him that was the best hit of the year. All the parents who were nearby hooped and hollered!! I was really excited to see the things we teach the kids sinking in and showing up in a game situation. We still have a lot of work to do, but they were pretty solid.
Practice ends everyday with a team chant.
Who are we?... Jimmy Lee!!!
Who are we?... Jimmy Lee!!!
What are we gonna do?... Hit!!
What are we gonna do?... Hit!!
When in doubt?... Fire Out!!
When in doubt?... Fire Out!!
Ready Breakdown!!... Let's hit!!!
Ready Breakdown!!... Let's hit!!!
Make em say Uhn!! Make em say Ahh!! Make em say nah nah nah nah!!!!!
Really catchy an when you've got 25 kids yelling that it'll give you goosebumps!!

Leftovers - Vacation thoughts two weeks after it's over

I like to take the train to Chicago. On the train I vegg out, reset the brain and contemplate my life or take a nap, sometimes one is more exciting than the other.
For some reason that I can't explain I am fascinated by the junk you see in peoples yards behind their houses, sheds and their farmland next to the tracks. It's amazing what people stick behind their houses and places of business.
The houses along the tracks have the most interesting things; half eaten cars, stoves, tractors, pieces of old houses, faded Big Wheels (TM), a mannequin and some nasty piles of stuff I couldn't figure out.
The thing that got me to wander down the road to philosophical thought, was close to the Milwaukee, WI. train station. There was a huge wood hull sailboat behind what appeared to be a large warehouse. This warehouse had nothing to do with boats as it was a ways from the water and there were no other boats around. The boat had a half built sort of leanto covering that housed it. Covering is a loose term, it was pretty dilapidated and the boat didn't look much better.
So my mind wandered like this post. I started to wonder if the owner of this boat is doing the "Maybe someday I'll go work on the boat", but instead they find something else to do and the boat continues to deteriorate. Oh no, could this be a metaphor for some of the things in our lives, I told you I like the train, you get to think....A lot.
Could this boat be a warning for what happens when dreams go neglected? Could it be a reminder of dreams partially realized? This person got the boat, but couldn't finish the dream of restoring it. What does it all mean? That is for you to decide. I could say something corny, like don't let your dreams get scuttled or drydocked, but I won't. Crapsticks, I just did.
I need to make sure my boat stays in the water.

Howdy Neighbor....
The train also allows for talking to strangers, something I am not so good at. Some people can travel by themselves for long periods of time and talk to anybody. I think my friendly face and demeanor invite people to talk to me. I have trouble when strangers come up and talk to me, I wonder why they are talking to me, what do they want? Most want nothing other than to talk. I can't believe how suspicious I get of other folks. I hear people talk of their travels through the country side and how they spoke to this person or that one or even shared their trip adventures with them. Can someone shed some light on this subject for me?